Finding The Ones Who Understand

I shouldn’t even be here, but I am.

I’ve been back in Wellington about four years now. It’s been a bit of a struggle, but I survive. It’s nothing compared to when I was shearing, that was a good life. Travelling up and down the country, north to south twice a year, keeping the income up. These days I work construction when I can, but there’s been a lot of shutdowns. No income means it’s been tough.

I live in a place in the city now but I was in the Loafers Lodge fire. My room wasn’t touched by the flames, but I still lost a lot. I worked for the demolition company afterwards and managed to get two things back that meant a lot to me. But I know some things are gone forever. I had to learn to deal with that.

I’ve been coming to DCM since I got back to Wellington in 2020. I was living off the last of my shearing money when I found out about them. They helped me get emergency housing, and sorted my benefit. Being a country boy, doing stuff online is still hard for me so it’s easier when someone’s right there helping.

When I was 13, I got diagnosed with leukaemia. Got airlifted from Rotorua. I was one of the first kids to live at Ronald McDonald House. Two years of chemo and radiation. The doctors gave me less than a 40 percent chance of survival and said I’d never have children. I’ve got five now. They’re down south. I should be with them, but travelling and accommodation is expensive, especially when you’re on a benefit.

Having cancer changed me. I think about it every day. That’s why I have tried to help others where I could. I just try and do something kind for people.

My body’s been through it. I’ve seen Jeff the physio here at DCM for over a year, every week at first. My arm, my knee, arthritis, bone fragments, Jeff’s helped me manage all of it. I’d never been to a physio before. Didn’t think I needed it. In shearing, we just work through the pain. But Jeff? He doesn’t overdo it. He listens. He’s so good at what he does.

I see other people still going through stuff, especially emotions of Loafers Lodge. Drugs and alcohol can be a curtain that you put up to go to a happy place, but it only lasts for so long. I know that. The staff here have helped me so much, same with Te Aro Health. You need to find the right support– people that understand you. Māori and our tīpuna, we have to adapt to the ever-changing world. This is just my experience.

I’ve carried a lot in my life, but I’ve dealt with it. I’ve had a lot of help to do that. I’ve done counselling, volunteering, told my story to help others open up. I believe in people who have been through things because we’re not reading from books, we’re speaking from life.